


Birthday x Blues

by olivemeister



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Birthday Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 15:22:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7057960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemeister/pseuds/olivemeister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 2011-anime. </p><p>Killua’s birthday is coming up, and Gon tells him over the phone that he’s sending “a really great present”. He’s adamant that it absolutely has to arrive on Killua’s birthday, no earlier, no later! Despite Killua’s attempts to squeeze information out of them, both Gon and Alluka remain tight-lipped. But a few days beforehand a massive storm moves in, leaving Killua as gloomy as the skies as he waits for a gift that might not come on time.</p><p>Can be Killugon if you squint, it's up for interpretation. Rated T for language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Birthday x Blues

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fic I wrote for the [HxH Big Bang](http://hxhbb.tumblr.com/)! I had a lot of fun, and I hope everyone else who participated did too!

The phone call came bright and early on June 5th – too early, in Killua's opinion. He blinked blearily, squinting in the light as he groped around for his phone. It was already obvious who it was. There was only one person in the entire world who would call him before noon.

“Hey,” he mumbled, and Gon's laugh made it almost worth it to be awake at quarter to eight in the morning. Killua groaned at that, to really hammer it in that he didn't feel like an actual person just yet. Hopefully Gon would feel remorse and repent for his sin.

“Did I wake you up? Sorry.” To his credit, Gon actually sounded a little apologetic. Enthusiastic, but still apologetic. Killua scratched his cheek, scowling despite the fact that the other boy couldn't see him. “I don't know what time zone you're in, actually. Is it really early?”

“It's fucking seven forty-three, you little asshole. I know it's like, almost nine for you. But that's still too goddamn early.” He rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling and covering his eyes with one forearm. Sunlight was streaming into the hotel room through the gap in the curtains, and he didn't want to confront that abomination just yet.

“Oh no! Okay, I won't bother you too long. I just wanted to know where you're going to be for your birthday this year. You already booked a hotel room, right? You always do that way ahead of time.”

“Yeah, why? Me and Alluka are gonna be in Zaban City.” It dawned on him why Gon was asking, and despite being tired he felt suddenly thrilled. Killua sat up abruptly, trying to keep the excitement out of his voice. If Gon needed to know where he would be staying, there was only one reason behind it. “Gon, you gonna send me a present?”

“Mhm! I already know what I'm gonna send too. So I wanna know right away where it needs to go, so it can be there for Killua's birthday _exactly_ ! It's no good if it's too early, but it's _really_ no good if it's too late.” From Gon's tone, he knew the other boy was fiddling with the hem of his shirt the way he did when he couldn't twiddle his fingers. It was just what he did when that mixture of apprehension and embarrassment hit him.

For some reason, in his mind's eye, Killua was always sure what Gon was doing when they spoke on the phone – what expressions he made, the way he moved. Even though it had been months – seven months, twelve days, the detail-oriented, obsessive part of his mind whispered – since their separation, there was no denying that they still understood one another. Killua tried not to dwell on that, since it made his chest uncomfortable.

Killua wished he could see it – the way Gon was, after so long. Long enough that their voices had broken, long enough that he knew Gon's face had changed like his, and short enough that sometimes, it seemed like it had been a week ago that they'd said 'see you later'. And Zaban... It had been where they had first met, after all. “But 'Zaban City' definitely isn't enough! So will you tell me the address?”

“I don't know it off the top of my head.” Killua thought about it for a moment, sighing quietly as he stretched his legs out. Alluka mumbled something, half-awake from the sound of him speaking. It was enough to force him out of bed, and he padded across the floor to the bathroom, closing the door. “I'll text it to you later, okay? Shit. I know I wrote it down somewhere, or it's on my tablet. But I won't have the room number until we check in.”

“That's okay, I think.” The sound of Gon humming was surprisingly soft. In the background, he thought he could hear a faint clicking noise. Killua wasn't sure what it was – Gon tapping a pen on a tabletop, maybe. If he'd been expecting to get an address to write down, that would make sense. But there was no point in trying to sleuth out what was going on in Gon's house from the other side of the world. “If you tell me it when you know it'll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, trust me!” That meant Gon had some sort of stupid plan involved with his gift. The previous year had been a fiasco, one that hopefully the other boy had learned from. Months later, he had still been finding glitter in his clothes.

“That's never good to hear coming from you,” Killua complained. He wished Gon could see him rolling his eyes, but the other boy probably knew he was doing it. Some things about them wouldn't ever change – that was what Killua desperately hoped. “But yeah, I can do that.”

“Okay!” Gon sounded genuinely excited, which was cute in a way. Even through the phone and even though it wasn't quite the way he remembered it, it made him happy to hear Gon's voice. “You can go back to sleep now.”

“Cool, because I'm about to pass the fuck out again.”

“ _Killua_.” It was a little scolding, and he almost counted his blessings that it had taken that long for Gon to chide him for swearing. “You shou-”

“Shouldn't say bad words, whatever. I know, damn. Oh fuck, I did it again. Oh, _nooo_. What am I going to do? I'm stuck in an endless cycle of bad language.”

“I'm gonna hang up now!”

“Alright, alright.”

“Okay, but really. Bye-bye.”

“Yeah, talk to you later.” Killua leaned against the sink, squinting at himself in the mirror. He looked like a rumpled mess, his hair fluffed up even more than usual. It didn't really matter, since he wasn't prepared to be alive and functioning just yet.

“Mhm! Bye Killua.” Gon was doing it just to tease him now – he could imagine the way the other boy's eyes lit up and the mischievous smile on his face.

“Oh my god,” Killua groaned, pulling the phone away from his cheek. “Don't do this 'you hang up' 'no you hang up' shit. I'm hanging up.”

“'Kay! Bye-”

“Gon you're killing me. _Goodbye_.” Even then, as he hit the 'end call' button Killua was grinning.

 

A week passed uneventfully, except for his building anticipation. Gon always picked out good things after all, so thinking about what he would send as a birthday present was even more exciting. It would probably be something weird, but still cool.

“Man, it's not even July yet,” Killua whined, before burying his face in one of several pillows strewn haphazardly across the bed. Alluka looked up from her tablet, sighing at him. He knew she was just as eager for his birthday to arrive, since it meant he would stop wondering aloud and complaining.

“Onii-chan, you need to stop spending so much time thinking about it. Whatever Gon got you won't show up for a long time, so there's no point in getting all fired up about it.” She had to be fully aware it was a lost cause, and a distant part of Killua's mind gave her props for trying. The other parts were going mad with the stress of waiting. There was still so much time left, and not nearly enough to occupy his mind. “Didn't you want to go to the market? There's that event going on, right? With all of the street vendors. So we can go do that and you can stop thinking about it!”

“Yeah, but it's driving me crazy. What if it's one of those fossils he keeps finding? Or maybe a cake. What if Gon's sending me a whole cake? Holy shit. I'm gonna eat the whole thing.”

Alluka put her face in her hands, groaning quietly.

 

“Come on, just one hint,” Killua groaned, stretching one arm up above his head. His legs were dangling off the bed, and he could only stare up at the ceiling and scoff when Gon laughed at him through the phone. “It's not fair, you told me way too early and now I'm gonna lose my mind. Alluka's so pissed at me, you know?”

“No way, I can't tell you!” Gon's voice cracked awkwardly mid-sentence, and they both paused for a moment. There was a small, choked snort, and then a stream of giggles was sounding in his ear. Killua snickered, pulling the phone away from his mouth so that it wouldn't be too loud through the receiver. “Sorry, sorry!”

“Man, it's gotten really bad huh?” Killua was grateful that when his own voice had broken, it had been a relatively smooth process. Gon was a squeaking mess by contrast, his voice doing acrobatics whenever he raised it above a certain volume. And, given how loud the other boy was, it was a constant cacophony of puberty. “Fucking graceful.”

“I keep thinking, maybe I should change my name!” It gave Killua pause as he considered whether or not Gon had just abruptly shifted topics. The idea wasn't far-fetched, since sometimes Gon could have the attention span of a gnat. A dead one, even.

“Change it to what?” _Gon Zoldyck_ , his brain supplied, and Killua had to cover his mouth to keep Gon from hearing his laugh. Gon hummed in his ear, and somehow he could tell that the other boy was beaming.

“Well,” Gon started brightly, “Since now I squeak a lot, I'm-”

“Gon Squeecss,” Killua whispered, before pressing his hand to his face. The laugh that came out of Gon was equal parts annoying and hilarious. “Shut the fuck up, oh my god. I hate you, I'm hanging up.”

“Awww, Killua! It wasn't _that_ bad.”

“It was hideous, you little asshole. If I was there with you I'd smack you one for it.” Killua rolled his eyes. Gon let out a thoughtful noise, and Killua was certain that he was kicking his feet distractedly. “I wish I could.”

“Yeah, me too. Not the hitting part! The you being here part. It's been a really long time, you know? But, I mean! It's okay. Because you're happy, right? You're having fun with Alluka, so that's what matters.” It was too obvious that Gon was rallying, but Killua knew almost instinctively that it wasn't something that was desperately serious. Their own loneliness was something that had been expected, after all. Working through it was important, and they'd done a good job of it.

“I miss you too,” Killua muttered, answering the sentiment that hadn't fully been expressed. His cheeks heated nonetheless – despite how much of an effort he was putting into it, being more honest was hard and embarrassing. Alluka's teasing was gentle, but sometimes Gon could be infuriating. “Do you think...”

“Mito-san would be really happy to see you again.” The sound of fabric rustling faintly reached his ears – Gon drawing his knees up to his chest. He said it with such confidence that Killua couldn't help but smile. It would be nice to introduce Alluka, he thought. As much as he loved his sister, it was undeniable that she would appreciate knowing other women.

“Maybe. I, you know, we'd stay somewhere else. If we visited. I'm not saying we're going to! But if we did.” The urge to just buy tickets on the spot was incredibly strong. They could go anywhere in the world, after all. That was the whole purpose of their journey – to see the world, to experience all sorts of things in all sorts of places. But was it missing the point to visit Gon? After making the decision to part ways, for their own sakes, would seeing him again be a mistake? Killua bit his lip, closing his eyes. It wasn't like it was the first time he'd had the thought, and yet an answer never came. What would they do? Seeing each other again. What face to make, what to say. The questions piled up, with no replies. “Who knows, though. If we're nearby-”

“You'll definitely come visit,” Gon finished. The same thing they'd said before, but no matter how many times he said it they hadn't met. Then Gon sighed, and Killua opened his eyes again. The noise had been surprisingly painful to hear, wistful and strained. When the other boy spoke again, it was hesitant. “Killua, I... Do you not want to see me?”

“I do,” Killua said immediately, grabbing the fabric of his shirt over his chest. Of course he wanted to see Gon. That was the problem. There had been a reason behind it, behind walking their own paths. He was scared that it would be so easy to undo, that seeing Gon once more would make it impossible to leave. “I really do. But I'm not done yet, you know? Traveling with Alluka, I'm not done. So I can't come visit, because we'd totally get sidetracked. Maybe if Mito-san would lighten up and let you take time off from doing schoolwork to visit me, but I _definitely_ can't go there. It's dangerous, you know? You're like some sort of distraction bear trap, if I went to Kujira Island I'd be sticking my foot right in it.”

The words made Gon laugh, and laughing made his voice crack once more. Killua snorted as the other boy squeaked out another sentence. “I really can't help it, you know?”

“So lame,” he teased, sitting up and scratching the back of his head. “What if your voice never stops doing that and you're just the weirdest old man in the world?”

“No way! And, that's not what I meant... You know, it made me think of what Ging told me. Getting sidetracked. Isn't it okay to do that? Because we have lots of time. Ging told me lots of things, told me lots of stories. But he was right about finding the important things on the way. He was right about enjoying the little detours. Sometimes there were bad things, things we regret. But...” This time, Gon's sigh was quiet and content. Even with half a world between them, Killua could clearly picture the smile on the other boy's face. “On the way, I learned all sorts of things. Even things that seemed insignificant, you know? And even though I was always looking for Ging, the things I gained on the way were just as important. You were just as important, you know? And you still are. Killua.”

“You're so embarrassing!” Killua covered his mouth with his free hand, feeling his cheeks heat so much they burned. It made him unreasonably happy to hear, with his stomach doing flips and his chest aching. “Shut up, how are you able to say shit like that without missing a beat? The absolute worst!”

“Ehhhh? But it's true! It's totally true! Killua's just so important!” The disbelief in Gon's tone made him want to bury his face in a pillow and scream. He was so earnest that it could be physically painful sometimes. “Hey, you know? I wish I could have introduced you to Ging.”

“Yeah? You said that already, like six times. Even when we cleared Greed Island, you said that you wanted to introduce me. But when the time finally came when you could have, you didn't even mention it!”

“Mm, I know. That's because, well... You had something you wanted to do. Meeting Ging was never actually what _you_ were trying to do! So I couldn't ask you to do that, to put your own goals on hold when you finally discovered them.” Killua stared down at his knees, chewing on his lower lip. It seemed almost surreal that Gon had given that so much thought. Probably, it had just been something he knew without putting into words, a feeling without any form until he forced himself to consider it. That was just like Gon, really. “After all, Killua went along with my selfishness for so long.”

“Stuuupid, it wasn't like you were dragging me around. If I wanted to, I could have left at any point!” Could he continue the thought? Killua gritted his teeth, focusing for a moment on the words he needed to say. Even if it flustered him, it was important. Honesty was awful for his heart, he thought. “Being with you was fun. Sometimes you were super annoying and stubborn and I totally wanted to hit you. And, sometimes I... hurt your feelings too. Even then! I was happy to be with you. You know... because to me, you, I-I mean, that's. Ah, fuck, I can't do it! It's so uncool!”

“Aww, Killua! You can say it, I won't laugh! I wanna know! If you don't say it clearly, I can't understand.” Back then, Gon had said the same thing.

“ _I said things that were horrible and unfair, and I never want to treat you like that again. I want to be more aware! I want to understand what Killua's thinking and feeling better. But sometimes you say things and mean other things, or you say things I don't get at all! So will you help me understand, and not hide how you feel?”_

“How dense are you that you don't get it! You're unbelievable, you know?”

“What, Killuaaaa! Just tell me, okay?”

“Ugh! If you laugh, I'll get on a flight right now so I can hit you!”

“Okay!”

“Th-then... It's, because... I mean, not because you were my first friend or a-anything like that, but... You...” Killua took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Gon was almost uncomfortably silent, and it made him even more self-conscious. Curling his fingers into a fist and leaning over a little, Killua forced the words out. “You became someone irreplaceable! Someone really precious, someone who, i-if you were gone, I don't know what I would have done. Someone who I definitely, absolutely didn't want to lose! So even when things sucked, even when it was the worst, I wanted... to be there with you. Through thick and thin, you know? Ahhh, it's so lame!”

A quiet, almost unsteady laugh reached his ear, and Killua wanted to throw the phone against the wall. Gon seemed to realize it was happening immediately, and the giggles cut off abruptly. “I'm sorry! I promised I wouldn't laugh, I'm sorry! I, I'm not laughing because it's funny, I swear! It's really true! I'm just... Oh, man, what do I do? Killua, I'm really happy!”

“Shit,” Killua mumbled, rolling over to yank the covers off the bed and bundle himself in them. It was completely and utterly unfair that Gon had done precisely what he said he wouldn't do _and_ he wasn't mad at the other boy for it. Even worse, Gon's words were bringing back that nauseous happiness that squeezed his chest like a vice. “I gotta get a ticket now, you know? So I can go over there and beat you for laughing.”

“Okay, it's a promise! But after your birthday, you know? What if you're not there when your present gets there? That'd be awful!” The reminder made Killua's expression brighten, and he clicked his tongue in faked annoyance. It was no good to let Gon know how excited he was about the whole thing.

“Yeah, that's true. I _guess_. You broke a promise though! So give me a hint.”

“Hmmmm.” Killua wasn't sure that he liked the tone of Gon's voice. It felt like he was about to get a response that was technically a hint, but so vague that it meant essentially nothing and would only serve to heighten his frustration. “I think you'll definitely like it! It's a present no one's ever gotten for you before.”

“Stupid! That doesn't tell me anything!” The whole mystery present thing was going to reduce him to a petulant child, Killua thought, even though it was for his rapidly-approaching fifteenth birthday. Gon was bringing out the most annoying traits in him via helpless anticipation.

“You didn't ask for a _good_ hint, Killua! Besides, isn't it no fun if you know in advance?”

“Ughhhhh! Seriously, you told me way too soon. Waiting sucks so bad.”

“Isn't it just that Killua's too impatient? Alluka told me the same thing when I talked to her.”

A faint glimmer of suspicion struck Killua in that moment, and he narrowed his eyes. “She knows what it is, doesn't she. You told her.”

“Who knows,” Gon teased, sounding almost gleeful. Killua groaned, pressing his face against the bed. “Anyway, if I don't start doing my assignment, Mito-san will get really scary. But I'll text you later, okay?”

“Right... I don't know how you do it, you know? It sounds so totally boring. School, eugh.”

“It's not so bad,” Gon said, clearly not believing the words. Snorting, Killua rolled his eyes even though the other boy couldn't see it. He couldn't imagine how tedious homework was, at least the kind of homework Gon had to do. His own “homework” had been much bloodier. But those days were over, and there wasn't anything his parents could do to change that. That was the way Killua liked it, after all. “But I really have to go!”

“Yeah, talk to you later.”

“Mhm, bye-bye! Don't bother Alluka too much, okay? It won't make your birthday come any faster!” The words made Killua scowl, and he clicked his tongue loudly. Gon's triumphant little chuckle was nice to hear, but frustrating at the same time.

“You little shit! Bye.”

He would have liked it if spending time with Gon could have been his present. That was too hopeful.

Gon had a life to live too.

 

By the time July rolled around, Killua had made his peace with waiting, albeit reluctantly. But as soon as it was July 6th, there was nothing to be done besides pace around the hotel room. It had rained the whole day, trapping them both inside, and he could only hope that the weather would be better the next day. The festivities for that day would be canceled if it kept raining – it was a holiday beyond just his birthday, after all. “When do you thi-”

“It'll show up when it shows up!” A pillow hit him in the side of the head, and Alluka yanked the covers over her head to ignore him. Killua clicked his tongue, running his thumb down the side of his phone. Gon had sent him a message earlier, and hadn't mentioned the gift at all. It only confirmed that the other boy was completely evil. He would have to call later, Killua thought, when he was certain Gon was at home and not doing classwork. Maybe he would finally be able to get _something_ out of Gon other than “It's a secret!”, which was the most frustrating response he could possibly receive.

“Jeez, sorry,” Killua mumbled. Alluka huffed loudly, rolling over and peeking out from under her blankets with a frown. He stuck his tongue out at her, immediately undermining the apology. It only seemed to annoy her more, and she tugged the other pillow from under her head in a silent threat. “Okay, okay. I get it, already! You think I'm not pissed off too? He's such a dick. If I hadn't known in advance, I could have just gone on normally and not lost my fucking mind.”

“He needed the address,” Alluka replied, pursing her lips as she seemed to consider something. “If it wasn't raining, we could go out and play.”

“Mm.” The sound of rain pouring down was a constant drone in the back of his mind, impossible to drown out with only his thoughts and the sound of their voices. Killua pulled a knee up to his chest, resting his chin on it. Alluka was right – it wasn't like there was much they could do on such a dreary day. “We could go see a movie, I guess... but there's nothing in theaters, is there?”

“No, not really,” she sighed, before crawling across the bed to dig her tablet out of her bag. Chewing on his lower lip, Killua tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. There was always _something_ to do, even if it took what felt like ages to figure out what it was. “We could have gone to that arcade again, if you hadn't-”

“I know, I know! I didn't mean to electrocute the console, tch. It's reflex, you know? Reflex.” Killua pinched his thumb and forefinger together, and when he pulled them apart again an arc of electricity crackled between them. Alluka's fingers curled in the fabric of the sheets as she squared her shoulders, already puffing her cheeks out to scold him. “I already apologized and paid for it, you know. It's not like I got us banned on purpose. I guess I could force it with my hunter license, but-”

“That's against the rules,” Alluka replied immediately, sticking her tongue out at him. Killua scowled, sending a little twinge of aura out of his outstretched finger to fill her hair with static. Alluka widened her eyes, a look of absolute betrayal crossing her face as she tried to flatten down the suddenly-mussed locks. It crackled as she touched it, and she yanked her fingers away to shake them out. “Onii-chan! You're being a big baby!”

“Yeah, yeah!” She was right, but it wasn't like he could just admit that. Killua rolled his eyes, before letting his breath hiss out in a sigh. Sometimes there were just days where it felt like he had no options. There was no point in getting so upset about it, though. “Sorry. It was uncalled for.”

It was easier to squabble with Gon, but at least with Alluka he was able to actually resolve the problem instead of getting into a fight and then forgetting about it.

“Do you wanna go shopping?”

“... yeah, maybe.”

When he texted Gon later, the response he got was twofold - “There's lots of rain, huh?” and “It's a secret, you'll find out tomorrow!”. They got rained on the whole time they were out, but Killua couldn't really care.

 

For the first time in years, Killua woke on his own before eight in the morning. Practically springing out of bed, he yanked the curtains open to reveal the sun.

And it wasn't there.

Killua stared out the window for a few seconds, looking at the gray sky and sheets of falling rain. It definitely wasn't fair. After all of the pain of anticipation, the day was already miserable and it wasn't even noon. Gon's gift wasn't there to be opened, either – if it had arrived, the desk surely would have called up to inform him.

There was no point in leaving the curtains open, then, especially if it just would remind him that it was terrible outside. He yanked them shut again, scowling and flaring his nostrils when it made almost no difference to the light in the room. At least there wasn't thunder. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Killua forcefully banished it. Given the way things had been going, the mere act of thinking about it would summon it.

The lump in the bed beside his told him that Alluka wasn't even remotely awake. Her hair was splayed out across her pillow in a wide wave, and Killua sighed as he patted her head despondently. There was no response – apparently she'd assumed he wouldn't be awake yet, but he couldn't blame her for it.

Her phone was wedged halfway under the pillow as well, lighting up periodically to tell whoever was looking that there was an unread message. It made Killua pause, and then smile. At the very least, he could talk to Gon, couldn't he? There was always something.

The search for his own phone took an annoyingly long time, leading Killua to yank all the sheets off his bed to figure out where he'd shoved it before falling asleep. It tumbled out of the blankets unceremoniously, hitting the floor with a thump. “Fuck,” he whispered, before reaching to grab it.

There was a text waiting for him from Gon, Killua noted with some excitement, as well as from Leorio and Bisky. Standard birthday messages, he was sure, but he still put off opening Gon's message for last.

After the simple congratulations – and Leorio's heartfelt but annoyed request for him to try to stay out of trouble at least until his next birthday – the message he read wasn't what he had been expecting. Rare for Gon, there was a handful of misspelled words littering the text, and when he finished reading it and scrolled back up, he saw that it had been sent at 5:47AM – early even for the other boy.

“ _Killua, happy birthday! I don't know when you'll read this, but I'm really sorry! The weather is awful over here, and it's getting sort of dangerous for the sailors, so I'm doing my best to help! I dont think I'll be able to talk or answr my phone much. I think your present might be late too, I'm sorry! As soon as I can, I'll contact you rightaway!_ ”

The message made him bite his lip and frown. It was stupid to be concerned for Gon's safety – it wasn't like the other boy couldn't handle himself, and things that were dangerous for normal people were a walk in the park for them. Gon could probably shrug off being hit by lightning – Killua knew _he_ could, at least. Still, something about the situation made him uncomfortable and angry.

It definitely wasn't fair. After all the anticipation and stress and shitty circumstances, the universe had conspired to even take _Gon_ away from him. And on his birthday, no less. The only consolation was that it was certainly a temporary thing, but it only seemed like the icing on the world's most disgusting cake and his face had just been shoved into it.

“ _F_ _uck_.” This time it was a little louder, and Alluka stirred faintly under her covers. Killua ran a hand through his hair, tugging at his scalp in a nonsensical attempt to clear his mind with pain. He couldn't bear to wake Alluka up early, no matter what an awful time he was having. There had been another option yesterday when he'd been miserable, so there had to be another option now.

Killua stared at the wall for a long moment. The festival had certainly been canceled, as expected when the heavens had opened up and dumped water on what seemed to be the whole world. It was dreary and awful outside, a day where nothing fun could happen. He stood, digging through his bags as quietly as he could. Baseball cap under the hood of his raincoat, to keep his face as dry as possible. Jeans, sneakers, phone, his wallet just in case. He could run until he was too tired to be upset, couldn't he?

Sighing, Killua snatched up the notepad that had come with the room and scribbled a note to Alluka for whenever she woke. “Went for a run, be back soon.” Maybe he would be back before she even saw it. That would be okay, he thought. Even if he wasn't, Alluka wouldn't be too lonely. It wasn't like she was ever really alone, not with Nanika to be with her. He wondered if she would ask to come out, if she would realize the day was special. The other girl was happy enough staying inside most of the time, as long as she could listen and had Alluka to support her. Alluka would surely let him know if she wanted to come out, of course.

He paused on his way out to hang the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door of their room, leaning against it for a moment as he frowned. Maybe it was a mistake to be going out – not because it was dangerous, but because it might make him even more miserable. Killua shook his head slightly, trying to banish the thought. He'd decided, so he had to follow through. That was one of their rules – one of the promises he'd made with Gon.

“ _If you say you're going to do something – even just in your head! - you absolutely have to do it. Maybe something not-so-great will happen, but you told yourself you would, so you should! I don't want Killua to give up on things because you're scared of what will happen. Not anymore. So, Killua, promise me?”_

“Stupid,” Killua mumbled the second the cold wind and rain hit his face. He wasn't sure if it was directed at the Gon in his memories, or himself. But it didn't matter – even if it had been a thought for Gon, Gon wasn't around to hear it. So it had to be for himself, and that was fine. It was the middle of summer, Killua thought, so how was it so cold out?

It was perhaps the third-worst run of his life, maybe second. Killua tried not to think about it, even as his sneakers soaked through and his pants clung to his legs. At least there was no sense of urgency – he was trying to waste time, after all. Still, with how dark and miserable the sky was, it was hard to tell that time was passing at all. The streets were completely empty, water rushing down through the gutters.

It seemed like hours had passed, but at the same time only minutes. Killua ducked under the overhang of a rooftop, digging his phone out of his pocket to check the time. He'd left at quarter to eight, he knew, so it had to have been at least ten, maybe closer to noon. He hoped so.

8:57AM, the display told him in bright text. No missed calls, no messages. He wanted to scream, to fling the phone into the wall and shatter it. Instead, he shoved it back in his pocket with a grunt of displeasure.

“ _Fuck_!” Kicking the wall hurt like hell. Killua crouched, sliding his hands under his hood to grip his head. It felt like he was being a child, like he was throwing a tantrum over something that shouldn't have mattered. Instead of admitting that, he forced himself to his feet again to shout into the street. “It's my birthday, goddammit! This isn't fair!”

The only answer he got was the pouring rain, smothering his voice so that it couldn't even echo back at him and give the illusion that he wasn't alone.

“Dammit, it's not...” The rain on his face felt hot, and Killua scrubbed it away furiously. His jacket scratched at his cheeks, and it only made him angrier. It wasn't until he licked his lips and found them salty that he realized he was crying, standing alone in the street, wet and miserable. Why hadn't he just talked to Leorio or Bisky? He could have done that, and maybe prevented the sure-to-be-impressive meltdown he was spiraling into.

Gritting his teeth, Killua let his head thunk against the wall of the building he was taking partial shelter beneath. It was just enough to keep the rain off his face, really, and it only made it more obvious to him that what was running down his cheeks wasn't coming from the sky. Instead of using his jacket again, Killua unzipped it just enough to expose the collar of his shirt and wipe his face. At the very least, it wasn't a window in front of him that could reflect his pathetic expression. There was no point in staying out in the downpour, but he wasn't sure he wanted to return to the hotel. The idea of showing his sister how dejected he was didn't sound appealing at all.

Water trickled down his neck, just barely warm enough that it didn't make him shiver. He would have to go back eventually, Killua thought. But there was nothing to do in the hotel room either, other than flipping listlessly through channels and watching stupid videos on the internet. If he was lucky, there would be some shitty movie that wasn't completely unbearable that he could watch. But it seemed unlikely. Plus, he was in such a negative mood already that Killua knew he wanted to stew in it. It wasn't a healthy approach but he would do it nonetheless, determined to be upset.

He took his time returning to the hotel, just for the sake of wasting it.

 

In the end it backfired, as he missed the cutoff for breakfast by several minutes. It was just another reason to be annoyed. Killua wondered if Alluka had eaten, if they would have to order something. The smell of eggs and bacon still lingered in the lobby of the hotel, making his stomach growl. He should have grabbed something before he'd left in the first place. His shoes squeaked on the floor as he made his way to the elevators, thoroughly soaked.

When Killua reached their room – third floor, end of the hall – and reached into his pants pocket, he realized what he should have long before.

“No,” he muttered, shoving his hand in his other pocket, and then the pockets of his jacket. All he found was his phone and wallet, and Killua stared at the ceiling for a moment. He had forgotten his key, the icing on the cake he probably wouldn't even have. Letting out a groan of frustration, he knocked on the door. It wasn't even noon, and Killua was ready to kill a man.

Minutes passed, and Killua yanked his hat off to run his fingers through his hair. It would be just perfect if Alluka wasn't in the room to let him in, he thought, though he wasn't sure where she would have gone. Despite the part of his mind that started to whisper in panic – Illu-nii found her while you were out, he took her, she's gone because you left her alone – he knew she was most likely still asleep. But that was abnormal. Alluka didn't sleep in very often at all. Maybe she was in the shower. That seemed wrong too, given that she showered at night. Gritting his teeth, Killua knocked again, louder than the first time. The urge to just electrocute the lock was building inside him.

“Alluka, it's me. I forgot my card, will you let me in?”

There was a little _flump_ from somewhere inside the room, and a quiet groan. The door handle twisted finally, and when the door opened it revealed a thoroughly ruffled Alluka. She looked like she had just rolled out of bed, her hair mussed and her eyes still squinted against the light. It was dark in the room behind her, the curtains still closed and the lights off. The duvet from her bed was wrapped around her body, and she blinked owlishly at him. Her cheeks looked a little flushed, Killua realized, and her nose was red.

“Onii-chan, happy birthday,” she mumbled, before sneezing explosively.

“Of course,” Killua said under his breath. Alluka sniffled, her expression twisting into a picture of absolute dejection. Despite the rain, they'd gone out the day before. He'd thoroughly toweled her off as soon as they'd gotten back to the hotel, but she'd gotten sick anyway. “Alluka, I'm sorry.”

“No, it was my idea to go out. Onii-chan, you're all wet. You should change.” She rubbed her nose roughly, and it made a squelching noise that brought a wince to his face. When he'd made his way back into the actual room, there was a mass of tissues in the tiny trash can there. The fact that she had any energy to worry about him seemed incredible.

As soon as he'd shed his wet clothes and dried himself off, he would have to call the front desk for medicine. There was a vending machine in the lobby, Killua recalled, and maybe there was something like ginger ale that he could get. He thought it over as he redressed, dumping his wet clothes and shoes in the tub so they wouldn't soak the carpet.

“Did you eat breakfast?” There was no way she had, he knew. Alluka shook her head, before flopping back into her bed and curling up there. Frowning, Killua reached out to pet her hair gently. When he pressed the back of his hand against her forehead, it was a little warm. Not enough that he was incredibly worried, thankfully, but the fact that she was too warm at all wasn't any good. “Okay, onii-chan's going to get you something to eat and some medicine. Sound good?”

“Mmhm...”

Calling for room service was something he didn't like doing. It was better to go out and get food at a restaurant, most of the time. He poured over the menu the hotel had for a long moment, considering. Alluka didn't seem nauseous, but it was probably better to get something plain anyway. It would have to be eggs, toast, and orange juice and it annoyed Killua to no end that they'd missed free breakfast by such a stupid amount of time. The person at the front desk who took the call seemed just as frustrated by it, at least until he asked for cold medicine as well. Then their tone had become much more sympathetic.

It would be some time before the food was done, he was informed. Killua sighed. If he was waiting anyway, he might as well head to the lobby to see what he could find in the vending machine. He snatched the key card off the desk, tucking it into his pocket. There was no way he would let himself forget it again.

“Alluka, I'm going to go see what there is to drink in the vending machine. I'll be right back, okay?” The lump on the bed stirred a little, and Alluka's face emerged from the covers again. Somehow, she looked even more exhausted than she had before. Killua bit his lower lip gently, scratching his head.

“Okay,” she whispered, frowning sadly at him. The box of tissues on the nightstand by her bed was probably close to empty, Killua thought. He could ask for another, probably. “'M sorry, onii-chan.”

“No, it's okay. It's okay. Don't get upset about it, I'm a big kid. I'll take care of you, so just go back to sleep until the food gets here.”

“But,” Alluka started, and he shook his head. Her lip jutted out in a little pout that was, for once, not because she was upset with him. She was upset with _herself_ , Killua knew. He bent to kiss her forehead, brushing her bangs back softly despite her protests. “No, you'll catch it...”

“No way. Onii-chans don't catch colds.”

“That's a lie.”

“Nope. I'm really tough, remember? I'll be fine. Besides, if I caught it, that would mean you'd get better faster. If you share it with me, it'll go away twice as fast. That's how it works, you know. You split it up between two people.”

Alluka sniffed again, and one pale hand snuck out from the covers to tug a tissue from the box. She blew her nose noisily, balling up the used tissue with a sigh. “That's not true, is it?”

“It is,” he said adamantly, and it made her smile a little. That was good, if nothing else. The day was a mess, but if he could get Alluka to smile it was worth it.

“It isn't.”

“I'm gonna get you a soda.” Alluka sniffed again, sticking her tongue out at him. Killua flashed her his best reassuring grin, and made his way down the hall to reach the lobby again after confirming the key card was still in his pocket and hadn't disappeared in a puff of smoke. This time he took the stairs – the last thing he needed was for the elevator to spontaneously stop working. He'd been lucky that it hadn't happened before, given the way the day had been going. Somewhere far in the distance, the faint sound of thunder booming was managing to reach them.

There wasn't any ginger ale in the vending machine, but lemon-lime soda was just as good. He made it back to the room just in time to intercept the hotel staff member who had come to bring them cold medicine, and so when the door closed behind him once more it was with a soda in one hand and a bag of medication in the other. The sound that greeted Killua as he stepped into the room was a sad little sniffle, and he felt his heart plummet into his stomach.

“Alluka,” he started, dumping his cargo onto his bed without a second thought. Alluka had tugged her covers over her head, and the lump she formed under the blankets was shuddering softly. Despite her best attempts, there was no way she could ever fool him. She never had been able to in the past, either. “Come here, okay?”

“No,” Alluka sobbed, her voice muffled but still understandable. “I ruined it, if I h-hadn't gotten sick, we could have done s-something fun today even though it's raining! B-but even though it's your birthday, I ruined it! And n-now I'm making you worry and you have to t-take care of me. Onii-chan, I'm sorry...”

“No way, no no no.” It was probably a bad idea to try and roll her out of the blankets, but it didn't mean he couldn't sit next to her. Killua held back his sigh, patting the covers in the general area where he thought her head was based on her voice. The action only netted him another sniffle. He kicked his shoes off, leaning over to wrap his arms around the entire lump that was his crying sister. “It's okay. I'm not upset, you know? Onii-chan's not upset at all. It's not your fault. You were trying your best yesterday because I was moping and whining. If I hadn't been being so difficult, you wouldn't have gotten sick. So it's my fault, you hear?”

“But I!”

“Alluka. Hey, will you come out and talk to me?”

For a long moment, Alluka didn't respond, other than a cascade of sniffles and hiccuping sobs. Killua pressed his face against the blankets. If it was Gon, he could have just yanked the covers off and pinched the other boy's cheeks until he was angry instead of sad. Gon was easy. Alluka needed time. “... Onii-chan?”

“Yeah.” Fabric rustled as Alluka wriggled her way out from under the covers enough to expose her face. She was even more flushed from crying now, her eyes red-rimmed and snot dripping down her nose. Killua immediately yanked a tissue from the box and held it up to her face. “Okay, blow.”

“I can do it myself,” she mumbled stubbornly, blushing in embarrassment. Despite the words Alluka obeyed without further protest, before throwing her arms around him and burying her face in his chest. Her shoulders shook, making it obvious that she was still upset. There was another echoing boom of thunder, only seeming to underline the sound of her suppressed sobs.

“Listen, Alluka... I'm not angry with you, or disappointed, or anything. I think I'm really lucky to have a little sister who loves me so much. You're sad because you were thinking about me, and that makes Onii-chan really happy.” She was probably getting snot and tears all over his shirt, but Killua didn't care at all. He brought one hand to her head, petting her hair again comfortingly. “And besides, onii-chans take care of their little sisters when they get sick. That's how it works. The people who work at the hotel brought some medicine, so how about you take that? It'll help you start feeling better, and then we can eat breakfast when it gets here. And we'll figure out something to do anyway. Something we can do even though things aren't going the way we want them to.”

“Are you sure?” It was hesitant and muffled all at once, as Alluka only barely tilted her head back to speak.

“Yeah, of course. Would I lie?”

“You would! Onii-chan, you lie all the time.” That time, she actually pulled away enough to look at him. Despite the puffiness of her eyes and how red her nose was, Alluka was actually pouting a little. Then her expression softened, as if she'd relented. “... but not about stuff like this.”

“Course not.” She sneezed abruptly, covering her lips and chin with mucus. Killua snorted as he pulled another tissue from the box. The ashamed expression on her face was actually devastatingly cute, even as he wiped it clean. “Okay, let me get that medicine so you can stop sneezing on everything.”

“'Kay,” Alluka mumbled, taking the tissue box from him so she could blow her nose properly. The packaging for the medication – an antihistamine and cough suppressant combination – was unfairly hard to open as always. Clicking his tongue, Killua sharpened a nail to puncture the plastic instead of taking the time to wrestle it open.

It was probably better to take the medication with water, he thought, if only for the sake of avoiding choking on pills in combination with carbonation. That meant pulling a water bottle from the tiny fridge that sat against one wall and having to pay for it, but it didn't matter. Alluka was sick, and he had plenty of money to spare. He set the soda inside the fridge instead – she could drink it when she wanted to.

It was stupid to even consider asking Nanika to help out. Even if she'd been able to do anything about the cold, Alluka would have firmly rejected it as a misuse of her twin's powers. She seemed to take a lot of pride in doing things on her own as well. Nanika didn't seem to be able to do anything to affect their shared body anyway, not that they had really tested it.

That was another thing Alluka didn't like at all – she had sobbed into his chest that it felt like they were treating Nanika like something to be studied and not a person, and that had upset everyone including Nanika. They'd both agreed to not do things like that without her permission, and Nanika didn't always understand enough to give it. Killua had tried asking, but the halting, confused “I love Killua” he had gotten as a reply had ended that. So it was standard medication all the way.

Once he'd handed over the pills and water for her to take, Killua sat on his own bed and pulled his phone out to look at. There was a message he hadn't noticed getting, he realized with a spark of hope. But when he opened the text, it was yet another birthday message, this time from Kurapika. It was a genuine surprise, and he took a moment to consider that. “Huh.”

“Hm?” Alluka looked up from her cup, giving him a puzzled look. He waved a hand as if to say it wasn't important, setting the phone down again.

“Nah, nothing. Just a message.” Killua sighed, stretching his arms over his head. It was probably good that not enough people knew his phone number, since it meant he wouldn't be flooded with birthday messages that he would have to repeat the same replies to. The fact that he'd woken up early was starting to take its toll on him, he realized.

“From Gon?”

That made him scrunch his nose up, and he picked up the phone once more as if expecting a text to have magically appeared. “No. Something's going on with the weather at his place, maybe worse than here. He said he was helping out at the port, or something. So he's occupied, I guess...”

“Oh... I'm sorry... Were you looking forward to talking to him?” She set the empty cup down, folding her hands in her lap. Killua pursed his lips, bouncing his knee as he considered what to say. He _had_ been, of course. Not just the present he would have already had if the world was kind. At the very least, until reading the earlier message he had entertained the possibility of having a video call with the other boy.

“I guess, sorta.” There was no point in lying to Alluka, even if it made his cheeks flush a little to say it out loud. Missing Gon was a constant part of his life now, like a quiet hum that ran under everything they did. But he'd been serious about not visiting the island. It was too easy to get caught up, and he didn't want to be swept away again just yet. “A-at least, it would have been something to do, you know?”

“Mhm,” Alluka started. Before she could continue her thought, a knock sounded at the door. For a moment Killua squinted, before remembering he had ordered them breakfast. As soon as he opened the door to collect the food, the smell of it made his stomach seem to cry out in relief. Somehow, he'd forgotten his own hunger until a plateful of scrambled eggs and toast was staring up at him.

“Thank you,” he muttered, though he wasn't sure if it was to the universe for finally relenting or the man who had brought them the food. It didn't really matter. Killua didn't take the time to set the tray down before shoving a piece of toast in his mouth, chewing as he sorted the plates out and passed Alluka her food on the tray. She giggled at him for it, and he scoffed a little in response. “You wanna see if there's something on TV?”

“'Kay,” she said around a mouthful of eggs, before pressing a hand against her mouth as if to keep her food from falling out. Killua snorted quietly, grabbing a napkin and shoving it against her cheek with a grin. It made her flush in embarrassment, something he utterly delighted in. “Onii-chan, I don't need that!”

“You sure? Looks like you're gonna spill everywhere.”

“Mm!! I'm not messy like you or Gon!” Despite her words, she took the napkin and gripped it tightly in the hand that wasn't holding her fork. The lights flickered, and Killua looked up immediately as if to glare the electricity into staying on. The last thing he needed was for the power to go out. But it seemed to be a one-time thing, which let him direct his attention to what Alluka had said.

“God, I hope not.” Killua did his best to be as graceless as possible as he scooped eggs onto his toast and crammed the whole thing in his mouth at once. Alluka kicked her feet under the covers as she huffed at him, shaking the tray and making her orange juice slosh gently in its glass. It wasn't nearly enough to make it tip or spill over, but she dropped her fork and snatched it up as if it was in mortal danger nonetheless. “What were you saying about not being messy?”

“It's because you're being silly! Besides, it didn't spill.”

“Ha, I haven't spilled anything either. So we're dead even, you know? You're on my messy level.”

“I don't leave the towels on the floor after I take a shower,” Alluka replied immediately, scrunching her nose up at him before sniffing hard. She took a sip from her juice, frowning a little and pursing her lips as if it had baffled her. “It's bitter.”

Killua considered the glass for a moment, setting his down and holding a hand out in sudden concern. It wasn't like he still checked everything they ate like an overprotective parent, but he couldn't help but worry sometimes. Illumi was far away, he knew logically. There had never been any problems, he knew logically. But still... “Let me taste.”

Alluka handed him the cup without a word, taking another bite of her eggs without a hint of hesitation. That was good. He'd always done his best to keep it somewhat secret from Alluka why he'd felt the need to sample everything she ate at first, disguising it as his own rampant gluttony. When Killua tasted the juice, it was exactly the same as his own. It wasn't the sweetest orange juice he'd ever had, but it wasn't what he would call bitter by any means. He hummed quietly in consideration, and Alluka chewed on her lower lip.

“The eggs don't taste bad, I don't think,” she said, scooping up another spoonful. It would be overkill to taste them too, Killua thought, especially since the juice was fine. He gave her glass back, still pondering it. Alluka wasn't nearly as picky as him when it came to things being bitter or tart, after all. “Maybe it's because my nose is all stuffed up, I can't taste the sweetness.”

“Yeah, that could be it.” The thought hadn't even occurred to him, and Killua glanced up at the ceiling as he tried to recall the last time he had been sick. It felt like it had to have been years ago, maybe even half a decade. He couldn't remember what it was like to have a cold. “How am I supposed to feed you birthday cake if you can't taste it though? I guess it'll have to wait. Well, that's okay maybe. It's not like I could just go out and buy one in this rain. I'd have to carry it back under my jacket or something.”

“Oh... but you should have a cake on your birthday, Onii-chan. Do you think they would bring one from room service too, like breakfast?” She rubbed at her nose with the back of her wrist as she said it, and Killua glanced over at the little pamphlet that displayed the foods available at the hotel. It was probably on there somewhere, he thought, if only individual slices. But half the fun of eating birthday cake was sharing it, wasn't it?

“I don't know. I guess I'll look at the menu when we're done.”

Alluka started to nod, before snatching up her napkin and shoving it against her face just in time for another explosive sneeze. It was sheer luck and his own speed that let him whip her plate and glass away to keep them from spilling everywhere, but the orange juice still sloshed out over his hand a little. She sniffled and blinked at him in muddled confusion. “Oh! Oh, no. I'm sorry, Onii-chan.”

“You can't control when you sneeze, you know,” Killua said with a hint of exasperation, setting the glass down on his napkin so it wouldn't leave a ring on the desk. It was easy enough to wash his hands, after all. He gave Alluka her plate back after a moment of squinting at her in a vague attempt to discern whether or not another sneeze was coming on the heels of the first. “It was barely anything, see?”

“Okay,” she said hesitantly, staring down at her knees. Killua reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear with his clean hand, grinning when it got her to look back up at him. Then he stood up to make his way into the bathroom and wash off the tiny splash of orange juice. If he just wiped it off it would only end up sticky, and Alluka would scold him for licking his hand.

“I don't always leave the towels on the floor,” he said, his voice echoing against the tiles. From the main room he could hear Alluka giggling softly, and then the faint sound of her fork tapping against her plate again. “Only when I forget to put the bath mat down and it's on the sink out of reach or something. It's so I don't slip and eat shit.”

It wasn't entirely true, of course. There was no way he would be conquered by a wet floor.

“That's a lie! You wouldn't fall down even if it was super slippery.”

“Jeez, I can't get anything past you. Okay, fine. It's so _you_ don't slip and eat shit, or whoever comes to clean the room.” Killua wiped his hands on his pants as he walked back out, and Alluka was already pouting in his direction and prepared to chastise him. As he sat down, she started to speak once more.

“Onii-chan, you're saying bad words again.” It made him grin a little, if only because it was a familiar sentiment. Sometimes she and Gon were on the same wavelength, at least when it came to chiding him for bad behavior.

“Yep. Onii-chan's a baddie, saying stuff like that. It's part of my charm, you know? Gon _loves_ it.”

“He hates it.” That was something she knew solidly, of course. Alluka took another bite of eggs, and Killua was pleased to see that despite being sick she had almost cleared her plate.

“Totally hates it,” Killua agreed immediately, stretching his arms up over his head. That was hardly a secret; he'd heard the pair of them talking on the phone before, and the way Alluka sulked as she complained about his language had made him laugh loudly enough that it had netted him a glare.

“See, I told you that you lie all the time!”

“It's to keep you on your toes.”

“That's _another_ lie! You're just being silly.” Alluka scraped the last of the eggs onto her fork, just looking at them for a long moment. It seemed like she was seriously thinking about something, and Killua leaned forward in his seat.

“Can't finish your food? Here, I'll-”

“No, it's okay! I'm just a little sleepy. Um...” There was something else she wanted to say, Killua knew, but she only stared down at her plate for another long pause. Eventually, though, she looked back up at him. “Onii-chan, will you ask Nanika to come out? I wasn't... paying enough attention to her, because I was so wrapped up in thinking about me. But... she won't come out without your permission, and she's getting all itchy inside.”

“O-oh, yeah. Of course.” He'd wondered about it before, hadn't he? It seemed unfair that he had forgotten so quickly. “You okay with going to sleep for a little bit?”

Despite knowing the answer, Killua always felt the need to ask. They shared, after all, even if Nanika was happy to spend most of her time tucked away now that she didn't feel compelled to make requests. Since granting wishes was against the rules, Nanika didn't need to ask for anything in return. If she got lonely and wanted to play, Alluka always told him. After all, when Nanika was sad she was too. Everything they had was held between them, together.

“Mhm! I don't mind.”

“Okay. But let me...” Killua stood, collecting the tray off of Alluka's lap and moving it to the desk. Nanika would probably want a hug, even if she wouldn't say it out loud. “Okay, ready?”

“Yup!”

“Good. Nanika, will you come out please?” It always felt better when he addressed her directly, instead of asking through Alluka. If nothing else, it was reassuring to him to know that Nanika was around and able to listen to him still. Taking a deep breath, Alluka closed her eyes.

It took a moment, but her breathing slowly evened, her face turning pale and soft as Nanika stirred. Her eyes opened once more, the familiar black circles that weren't quite human but still perfect the way they were. As soon as she saw him, her rounded mouth curled up in a wide smile. Killua beamed back at her without even thinking about it, holding his arms out immediately. Nanika pushed the blankets off her legs, letting out a tiny, drawn-out noise of absolute glee as she snuggled into his embrace.

“I love Killua,” she said happily against his chest, nuzzling him affectionately. Despite Alluka's cold, she didn't sound any different than usual. Killua wondered if it was because she didn't really have a nose to be congested, or maybe that she wasn't sick at all.

“Hi, Nanika,” he replied, unable and unwilling to keep the fondness out of his voice. She turned her face up to him, and he pet her hair back from her forehead before kissing it. It made Nanika giggle, closing her eyes easily. Her skin was as soft as it always was under his lips, like she was a newborn, but it was also hot. She was definitely sick, even if it didn't affect her the way it affected Alluka. “Were you excited to come out and see me?”

“I love Killua.” It wasn't quite hesitant, but it wasn't entirely confident either. She'd wanted to see him, he knew. Sometimes she wasn't able to say much else, at least when she was worked up over something. But Nanika seemed to realize that she knew the answer to his question, and her smile widened. “Aye!”

“Nanika, I'm really glad you wanted to see me. You know I love you lots?”

“Aye.” That was completely matter-of-fact, and she seemed to be almost quivering in excitement. Then her face scrunched up in concentration, making her eyes look like thick lines as she squinted. “Killua... Ha-happy birth-... I love Killua.”

She followed up the words with a little squeak, before covering her face with her sleeves shyly. Nanika was trying her best, he knew, and it made his chest feel tight with joy. Letting his expression soften, Killua patted her head again. She leaned into the touch automatically, pulling her hands away and closing her eyes with a quiet, drawn-out laugh.

“Birthday,” she mumbled against his chest, before sighing happily.

“Thanks, Nanika. You did a good job, I'm really happy. Did Alluka help teach you what to say?”

“Aye! I love Alluka!”

“That's good! I love Alluka too. I love both of you soooo much.” Nanika giggled again, and Killua snatched her up to hug her tightly to his chest. It made her kick her feet in delight even as she squeezed him back, making her seem even younger than she really was. Nanika might never act any differently, Killua thought, and that was fine. Nanika was Nanika, and if she was happy that was all that mattered.

“I love Killua,” she said softly, like she had grasped that he was thinking about something. Her smile weakened a little as she considered that. “Gon?”

“No,” Killua snorted. Alluka had assumed the same thing, of course. “Why would I be thinking about him right now? He's miles and miles away.”

“Killua loves Gon,” Nanika replied matter-of-factly, as if he was being utterly ridiculous in asking. Scoffing, Killua averted his gaze. His face felt hot, even though he knew what meaning she had intended with her words. Nanika blinked at him, reaching out slowly to tug at his sleeve. The movement was oddly sluggish, like her excitement had immediately exhausted her. It wasn't rare for Nanika to be sleepy when she physically manifested, but it still seemed odd that she was so tired so fast. “Killua? Did I do bad?”

“Wh- no, no! It's okay. You're right. I _do_ love Gon, lots and lots.” It was hard to keep his expression from turning flustered from saying it, but he made a valiant effort. Based on the relief that spread across Nanika's face, it had been good enough. “But right now I don't want to think about Gon. Right now I'm thinking about you and how I'm happy to see you.”

Nanika swayed a little, blinking at him again as she smiled. Then her expression faltered, and Killua frowned. Yawning, Nanika rubbed her cheek with the back of one hand. She seemed a little confused by it, and Killua bit his lower lip gently. Nanika was sick just like Alluka, so of course she had worn herself out. He forced a smile back to his face. The both of them needed to rest, even if it meant he would be alone again. “Are you sleepy, Nanika?”

“Aye...”

“Okay. Do you want to go back and trade with Alluka?”

“... I love Killua.” She didn't know how to respond, he thought. Killua patted her head, and she closed her eyes.

“It's okay. You can go to sleep yourself, or you can trade with Alluka. You get to decide.”

“Killua... Take a nap with me?”

Thunder boomed outside, making Killua jump a little as he opened his mouth to reply. It hadn't fazed Nanika at all, though she tilted her head at his response to the sound. That was enough to make him laugh. The mere lack of reaction was just like her, but his laughter seemed to confuse her.

“Killua...?” Nanika's fingers curled around her sleeves, gripping them tightly as she looked at him expectantly. Grinning, he ran his fingers through her hair. She closed her eyes automatically, though the expression on her face didn't change.

“No, you didn't do anything wrong. Okay, nap it is.”

“Aye!” Nanika wriggled under the covers, peering up at him almost expectantly. “Killua, hug me.”

“Right, right.” The second his head hit the pillow, Nanika was snuggling up close to him. Killua wondered, not for the first time, if she had done the same thing with the army of stuffed animals that had lined the walls of her prison. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know. It was hard enough knowing that he had left the two of them there for so long. Pushing the thought away, he pressed his lips to Nanika's too-warm forehead.

There was no response to the action. She was already asleep, he realized.

“Wow,” Killua muttered, a little disappointed. As much as he loved his sisters, he wasn't the slightest bit tired. And he was trapped now, since if he moved it might wake one of them – which one would open her eyes he didn't know – up. It was unacceptable. Sighing quietly, Killua tilted his head to stare at the ceiling. His tablet was... where? Somewhere in his bag, surely. All he could do was fish his phone out of his pocket as carefully as possible and see if anything had changed since he'd last checked it.

That was when Killua realized that his phone wasn't _in_ his pocket, and was instead sitting innocently, face-down, on his bed. He gritted his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut. Even if he tried to sleep, Killua was sure it would only be annoying to fail at it.

If he was careful about it, he could probably reach his phone with his toes without disturbing his sleeping sister. Killua was certain that he had the flexibility and dexterity necessary to reach out and pick it up with a foot. As long as he had a way to occupy his thoughts, he wouldn't sink into another pseudo-tantrum. Distracting himself with his phone was the best option.

Nanika sighed a little, rubbing her forehead against his chest. It could have been Alluka, of course. When they were asleep, it was impossible to tell who was closest to the surface. As far as he was concerned, until Alluka woke up, the girl cuddled up against him was Nanika.

“Okay,” he said, to no one in particular. It was going to be a test of his patience and skill, and that was fine. Slowly, he shifted one leg out from under the covers. In theory, it was simple. Biting his lip as he concentrated, Killua wriggled his lower body further so that he could reach out.

Getting one foot onto the other bed was more of a hassle than he had been expecting, especially given that he had to essentially look over his shoulder the whole time. The awkward position didn't hurt, but it was annoying to keep up. The phone was mere inches from his foot, and Killua spread his toes in a vain attempt to magically close the distance. It wouldn't happen unless he managed to push his body a little closer to the edge of the bed.

Taking a deep breath, he slid the arm under Nanika a little. It felt a little like disarming a bomb, trying not to accidentally tug a wire out of place. Even though the consequences of making a mistake were much less dire. But she didn't react to the slight motion, and Killua let his held breath hiss out quietly before directing his attention back to his outstretched leg. Close enough that he would definitely be able to reach it, but not quite making contact with the plastic case. It wouldn't take much more.

That was when the lights flickered again, before going out entirely.

Killua did nothing for a moment, his eyes widening as frustrated emotions suddenly exploded in his mind. His fingers curled into fists, and he could only gape in disbelief at how utterly unfair the event that had just occurred was. It was absurd. It had to have been an intentional attack on him by the universe.

Biting back a curse, he considered for a moment if he could illuminate the room enough to snag the phone using just his aura. It wasn't pitch-black after all, but with the curtains drawn and the darkness of the sky it might as well have been. To do that, he would certainly need to move the hand he was gripping the sheets with, and that would probably result in him toppling off the bed entirely. Killua gritted his teeth, pulling his leg back and tucking it under the covers again.

“Stupid. _Fuck_.” If he bottled the words in entirely he would have gone mad, so he could only whisper harshly.

When he looked over at the phone, in the darkness he could see that the notification light on the phone was flashing slowly. The fact that it was turned over had made it almost impossible to notice until then, with most of the light blocked by the sheets it was sitting on. It only made Killua more impatient to get his hands on the device, and he looked back at Nanika with utter helplessness in his soul. He could barely make out her expression in the darkness, but he knew she was sleeping peacefully.

Could he manage to slide his arm out without waking her? Was it worth the risk? Surely she would go right back to sleep even if she was shaken awake by the faint motion. It was his own lack of foresight that had led him to forget the phone on his bed in the first place. What was left?

“En, maybe...” It was still beyond his capabilities, which was frustrating. Compared to Gon, his aura reserves were laughably limited. Exhausting himself trying it was too easy, almost embarrassingly so. And it felt dangerous to let his aura become so depleted with no one else to take over if he couldn't defend Alluka or himself. If Gon had been around, it would have been different. Since Gon...

“Shit.”

Gon's ability to utilize his nen was gone, Killua remembered abruptly, with a stab of pain. The other boy hadn't wanted to tell him, he knew, but it had come out anyway. Even so, he knew it was something Gon didn't want to talk about with him. That hurt too, in a different way. For a moment, the memory of holding of Gon's emaciated hand was vividly strong. Just thinking about it still made his pulse start to climb, and Killua banished the thought. Gon was working on regaining what he had lost, he knew. It was okay if they didn't talk about it. He didn't share everything he did with Gon, after all. So it was stupid to expect or even want Gon to share everything with him.

Still, sometimes the world felt empty when he couldn't sense Gon's aura beside him.

Squeezing his eyes shut tightly, Killua rolled over to face Nanika again. Was the message flashing on his phone from Gon? What did it say? He chewed on his lower lip, turning his head to bury his face in the pillow under it. It let him muffle the groan that worked its way up from his chest, unable to be repressed. Didn't the damn hotel have a backup generator? The fact that it hadn't kicked in made him question its existence. But hotels had to have them, didn't they? If not, Killua wondered if he could get a partial refund on the room for the inconvenience. But then again, it wasn't as if he was hurting with money. And the hotel staff couldn't control the weather.

Maybe it was awful of him to consider trying to get some of his money back for that. It was just his frustrations looking for some kind of silver lining.

Surely he could just make himself sleep, Killua thought. If he stayed there in bed with his eyes closed, his body was bound to get the idea. All he had to do was relax and take a nap with his sister. That was easy. Or, it should have been easy.

Gon's present hadn't arrived yet either. Killua squeezed his eyes shut once more, trying to stomp down on the absolute dejection welling up inside him. Maybe the message on his phone was Gon relenting and telling him what the surprise was, just because the circumstances were so terrible. Killua couldn't reach his phone to find out. It was unfair. Everything about the day had been unfair. He'd already started to throw a tantrum, and it wasn't even noon yet. Could he survive another ten hours of this foul mood without losing his mind?

The thought that he was being stupid and childish floated back into his mind, and Killua could only agree with it. His behavior was pathetic, really, but at the same time wasn't it only natural to be upset about having a bad day? Especially since it was his birthday. All he could do was roll from his side to his back over and over again, kick his feet like a toddler, and force himself to endure. Things would get better eventually. There was no way it could stay so awful for much longer.

No matter how many times Killua repeated that thought in his head, he couldn't make himself actually believe it.

“Fuck.” He didn't even have anyone to talk to, and the sound of his own voice alone only reminded him of it. The phone flashed again in the corner of his eye, the entire screen lighting up briefly as another text went through. It was enough to drive him mad, and Killua ground his teeth. He definitely couldn't take that anymore, he realized abruptly. Carefully, he tugged his arm as slowly as he could bear, doing his best to keep the motion smooth.

Nanika didn't react, at least not in any way that made Killua feel like she would wake. It emboldened him to pull away further, and he breathed a quiet sigh of relief when he was able to slide his entire arm out from under her. The only response it got was a quiet little noise that couldn't quite be described as a grunt. But he was free, and Killua glanced up at the ceiling as if to offer silent thanks to whoever was listening.

There were two messages on his phone, as expected. One was from Gon, and he opened it immediately. The other one didn't matter at all. It probably did, honestly, but Killua couldn't care in the slightest. Hoping for good news, he scanned the message.

“ _Killua I'm really sorry!!! I didnt' charge my phone and the power is out and I don't know when it'll be back :( I have to turn my phone off but I wanted to let Killua know because I promised I would talk to you as soon as I could. I think it'll be back soon but I don't know and Mito-san wants me to conserve power just in case_ ”

Killua aimed his gaze back at the ceiling, this time more spitefully. He would only get so much slack, it seemed. He ground his teeth as he typed out a reply, trying to make it seem as casual as possible. Somehow his irritation was exhausting at this point.

“ _power's out here too, it's seriously annoying. me and Alluka are probably just going to sleep all day. she's got a cold, totally the worst. just my luck, right??? but whatever. i can power through, you know._ ”

The other message was from Zushi, another standard birthday message. Killua snapped out a response immediately, and shoved his phone back into his pocket. Maybe turning his phone off was a good idea. It could be hours before the power came back, and if he turned the phone off he wouldn't be tempted to waste his battery on playing games.

Killua wondered if the hotel had a gym, before realizing that without electricity there wouldn't be much point. He wasn't sure if the electronic locks on the doors were functioning or if they were stuck in “lock” mode, and he didn't want to find out the hard way after leaving the room. It seemed unlikely that it would be able to lock again on its own if he unlocked it, but testing his luck seemed like a bad idea. Plus, the idea of leaving Nanika all alone was unpalatable.

Chewing on his lower lip, Killua tugged his phone free of his pocket and powered it off. It wasn't like anyone would desperately need him for something. Now that he truly had nothing to do, he eyed the bed again with a resigned grunt. There wasn't anything left, and it was what Nanika had asked him to do anyway. Setting his phone on the nightstand, he crawled back under the covers. If he made himself sleep, Killua told himself, the power would be back before he knew it and then there would be more options.

Where was Gon's present? The other boy hadn't even mentioned it in his most recent text. His mind was probably somewhere else, if the island was as much of a mess as he'd made it seem. And Gon probably had his hands full. It was just like him, to be out helping when something was going wrong. Even though it annoyed him, Killua couldn't help but smile.

“ _Killua loves Gon_ ,” Nanika had said. Feeling his cheeks heat, he shoved his face in the pillow and hugged it tightly. It was an embarrassing thought, and all he could do was close his eyes.

 

When Killua opened them again, it was from the suddenness of light against his eyelids. He squinted, feeling his face contort into a grimace. Somehow, he'd managed to doze off and rolled over in his sleep. Next to him, Nanika – no, it was Alluka now – was sitting with her tablet in her hands. He had no idea what time it was. The power was back, clearly, but the drawn curtains told him nothing about the state of things outside. Somehow, Killua was certain that if he looked out the window all he would see was rain.

“Onii-chan, are you awake?” One of Alluka's hands carded through his hair, brushing it back from his forehead. She sounded a little better, he thought. Not great, but not as congested as she had been. “You've been asleep for ages.”

“Wh... no I haven't,” he groaned in response, pushing his shoulders back to stretch them out. His left wrist cracked when he pushed himself back into a sitting position, still blinking irritably at the brightness of the room. “What time is it?”

“It's almost five,” Alluka said, tilting the tablet towards him so that he could see the time on it. 4:47PM, it said in tiny text. Killua scowled. It meant the power in the hotel had been off for close to six hours, and that he had been asleep just as long. How had he slept so much? He hadn't even been that tired. “Did you have a good nap?”

“I don't even remember falling asleep.” Killua rubbed the back of his neck, reaching over to the nightstand to recover his phone. Tapping the home button did nothing, and he stared at it for a long moment. Had his phone broken while he was asleep somehow? Frowning, Killua flipped it over in his hands. It didn't look any different, but pressing the buttons wasn't getting him any results.

He'd turned it off, he remembered abruptly. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Killua held the power button to start it back up. “Fuck. Hey, did-”

Alluka's expression crumpled into a sympathetic wince, answering his unspoken question just as silently. No Gon present. Killua wanted to throw himself back to the mattress, tug the covers up over his head, and just stop existing until things were less shitty. “It's still pretty bad out... I think there's no flights going on, so nothing's getting transported. Or they're all delayed, maybe.”

“Yeah,” Killua muttered, pulling his knees up to his chest to hug. There were still wet clothes sitting in the tub, he recalled, but he didn't want to get up to hang them. Instead, he just ran his hands through his hair and tugged at his scalp. “Dammit. You feeling better?”

“Mhm! Lots. Thanks, onii-chan. Nanika is really happy too, I know it.”

“That's good.” He ran a finger down the edge of the phone, watching the screen as it booted up. There was no way there were any messages waiting for him, really. “Are you hungry?”

“Mmm...” It wasn't a solid answer either way, and Killua chewed on his lower lip gently as he thought. He wasn't certain that he was really hungry either, but it wouldn't keep him from snacking. It never did. When he looked at his phone again there was nothing new to busy himself with, as expected. Killua flared his nostrils in annoyance. If his feet had been on the ground, he would have tapped them to really highlight how frustrated he was.

Alluka gave him a pointed look, one that easily accused him of acting like a baby without a single word. He looked away almost immediately, his scowl intensifying. Even without her saying it, Killua knew she was right. But it wasn't like he wanted to be chided on his birthday.

“This is fucking stupid,” he said aloud, before pressing his face against his knees. The words made Alluka frown, but she didn't deny them. Instead, she only set the tablet down against the sheets and pursed her lips at him.

“Onii-chan, do you wanna see what's on TV? Since the power came back, I mean. Maybe there's something now.”

“... yeah.”

 

Six PM came and went with little fanfare, followed by seven. Both were ushered in by the sound of a terrible straight-to-dvd movie that they'd eventually settled on. Killua knew neither of them were really paying attention to it, but he wasn't sure what else they could do. They'd finished eating not long before – soup for Alluka, pasta for him. It had been an okay distraction, right up until it wasn't.

Alluka's sniffling had come back shortly before dinner had arrived, and no matter how many times she blew her nose it didn't seem to help. She'd taken more medicine with her food, and Killua wondered if it would exhaust her again. The sound of the television was low and constant, the sound of voices barely a murmur. On the screen, a man cradled his lover in his arms and screamed towards the sky. It seemed like it was shaping up to be nothing more than a bleak and awful movie where everyone died in the end.

No messages from Gon.

No present from Gon.

For the first time in his life, Killua had no appetite for cake.

 

“Onii-chan, are you okay?”

Killua didn't respond to the question, knowing if he did that the sound of his voice would give away how much he wasn't okay. Instead he stared directly ahead, still curled up on his side and cocooned in his blankets. His perception of time had been destroyed by the lack of sunlight, he thought. How long had it been since dinner? How many hours were left of his birthday? Did it matter?

Alluka sighed, and fabric rustled behind him. The TV turned off with a little thrum. Killua gritted his teeth hard, resisting the urge to roll onto his stomach and just bury his face in the sheets. It would make it too obvious that he was considering giving in to the urge to cry again. He tried to never cry in front of Alluka.

One of Alluka's hands found his shoulder, and then she was curling up against his back.

“Today wasn't so good,” she said, and Killua made a noncommittal noise. It was more than an understatement, but screaming at his sister wasn't something he wanted to do. Nothing about it was her fault, and in the end he would only feel worse if he lashed out at her. “But it'll get better. I promise! Maybe not today, but... things will get better soon.”

He only grunted in response, feeling like a particularly uncooperative toddler. From a logical standpoint, she was certainly right. But he had settled into his depressive funk, and nothing as weak as logic could shake him from it. Killua squeezed his burning eyes shut, and felt a tear drip down his face. Again, he tried to remind himself that it could have been worse. Things could have been so much worse than just a shitty day. But just making himself think that only worsened his mood with feelings of guilt from his overreaction.

“Stupid,” he whispered hoarsely, before reaching out and dragging a pillow over to wrap his arms around. It wasn't directed at Alluka, and he was sure she knew it. Still, his mouth automatically opened so he could elaborate on the vague statement. “I'm being stupid.”

“Mm-mm. Onii-chan, getting sad and wanting to cry isn't stupid! I've had lots of days like that, and you never thought _I_ was stupid for it did you?”

“Of course not!” Killua knew he was being too hard on himself, but it didn't stop him from feeling like he deserved it. Alluka's arms wound around his chest, squeezing gently. He could feel her forehead press against his shoulder blade, and it made him sigh and grit his teeth again. She was just trying to comfort him, and he was too stubborn to accept even that.

“So it's the same.”

“It's not,” he ground out. His voice hitched audibly on the words, and he clenched his jaw even harder. From the troubled noise that came out of Alluka, he knew she had heard it and knew exactly what he was doing.

“Onii-chan, remember what you told me? About you and Gon.”

“What _about_ me and Gon.” Killua wasn't sure he liked the insinuation of the question. It embarrassed him, how it almost seemed like she was treating the pair of them as a unit. They hadn't been a unit in so long.

“That you made a promise! Lots of promises, but one was yours and it was really important.”

Killua sniffed as quietly as he could. It wasn't as if he could forget it, after all. He had said so many things that day, so many things he'd sworn to do. And they had been important. He knew exactly which one Alluka was referring to in particular.

“ _I didn't understand what Killua was going through. I know that I wasn't paying attention to you. I know I was wrong, and that I was too focused on what had already happened and what I wanted to do in response. And I never, ever want to do that again! But, if I can't tell when Killua is hurting, if you don't say anything and hide it away to act tough, I_ will _do it again. Even though I don't want to, and I want to do things differently from now on, I know there will be times where I can't pay attention to Killua to figure out how you feel. So, when those times come, I want Killua to be honest with me. Not just with me! With everyone. I think Alluka-chan wouldn't like knowing that her onii-chan is acting tough when he's hurting either! So, Killua, promise me?”_

Gon had been right, of course. Killua hadn't been blameless when it came to what had happened. If he had acted differently, things surely could have been different. But he hadn't, and a lifetime of running it through his mind to try and figure out what would have happened wouldn't change that.

Really, he had simply been scared.

He wondered if Gon knew that. Even though it didn't mean he hadn't made a mistake.

“ _So, Killua, promise me?”_

“ _... yeah.”_

They had both shed so many tears that day.

“Onii-chan,” Alluka said softly, her arms tightening around him. It was almost like she wanted to squeeze the sadness out of his body, and Killua sniffled again.

“It's not fair,” he managed, before his voice cracked and everything he'd been holding back that day spilled out in a ragged sob. Against his back, he felt Alluka flinch a little. It had been such a sudden change that he couldn't blame her – one moment he had been bottling it up, and the next letting it finally escape without any warning. Killua shoved his face into the pillow, letting it muffle the sound that came out of him.

Somehow, he was ashamed of it and relieved at the same time. Allowing a moment of weakness wasn't something that came easily to him. It felt shameful, to break down. But it was a relief, to let the emotions that had been swirling furiously inside of him finally escape in shuddering sobs.

Killua clutched the pillow to his chest as tightly as he could, and cried.

 

It felt like hours later that the tears stopped coming, leaving him with snot streaming down his face and a throbbing headache, but also with Alluka's arms still tight around his middle. Killua shivered, smearing the mess of fluids that had come out of him against the pillow without caring in the slightest. He didn't know what time it was, if it was still raining or still his birthday. The only thing he knew was that his skull felt like it was on fire and he was probably edging into dehydration.

Sniffing only gained him a disgusting squelching noise, instead of actually making it easier to breathe. It somehow made his head hurt even more, and Killua squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He was exhausted. All he wanted to do was climb in the bathtub and sit under the spray of water. Maybe it would make him feel better. Killua wasn't sure.

“Alluka,” he said finally, finding that his voice was thick and hoarse. She hummed at him in response, a wordless question as to whether or not the crying episode had helped. Killua thought it had – something about stress hormones and tear ducts floated into his tired mind, and then was lost again. There was some kind of scientific explanation for it, but he couldn't remember the details of it. “I need something to drink.”

“Oh,” Alluka said, her grip on him loosening. Sighing, he swept his hair back from his forehead and sat up. The room seemed to spin for a moment, and Killua closed his eyes tightly. It felt so utterly uncool that he was sorely tempted to throw himself back down and burrow under the covers. Still, when he carefully stood, he wasn't graced with another head rush. Counting it as a victory, Killua padded over to the fridge and considered the contents. Bottles of water, takeout from the night before, and the soda he'd bought for Alluka. The temptation to binge on the leftovers was strong. Killua took a water bottle and closed the fridge again.

It was painfully cold on his tongue, almost enough to make his teeth ache. He grimaced, setting it down on top of the fridge and covering his mouth with one hand for a moment. Fabric rustled as Alluka sat up, and out of the corner of his eye he could see her starting to untangle and smooth down her hair. Killua took another gulp of water, trying to pour it directly down his throat to mitigate the unbelievable coldness.

“Shit, it's like sucking on an ice cube,” he muttered, scowling again. The time on the microwave said 9:39PM. A little over two hours left, Killua thought. Whether it was good or bad, he wasn't sure. Part of him just wanted it to be over. But still, two hours meant there was still hope for Gon's present to arrive and still be 'on time'. If it came before midnight, it wasn't late. And Gon had said it couldn't be late. “Hey, Alluka.”

“Mm?”

“Will you tell me what Gon's present is?”

Alluka's expression rapidly shifted from surprise, something that could have been sympathy, puzzlement, and then what seemed to be frustration.

“I shouldn't,” she said finally. “I think it'll still come on time!”

“Alluka, it's almost ten at night, come on. It's not gonna ruin it, and besides, it was supposed to be here already. Have mercy on me, jeez.” Drinking the water had banished the headache, at least.

“It _will_ ruin it! The surprise is important!”

It probably wasn't a cake, Killua thought.

If he could, he would have caught Gon under one arm and attacked his scalp with his knuckles until he spilled the secret. Maybe it would have worked. But when Gon was stubbornly dedicated to something, he would never falter on it.

Instead of letting himself dwell on it, Killua blew his nose and washed his face before returning to throw himself onto his bed again. Alluka gave him a questioning glance, and he gave an exaggerated shrug. He really needed to say something, though.

“Alluka.”

“Onii-chan.”

“... thanks.”

Alluka didn't say anything, merely beaming at him. It was the most natural thing in the world for him to support her, but the reverse still seemed odd. Sighing as quietly as he could, Killua reached out to cover her hand with his own.

“Do you really think Gon's present is gonna get here on time?” He sounded like a child, he knew. If the mood had been different, maybe Alluka would have teased him for it. But she didn't, just considering the question with a long, drawn-out hum.

“I think so, definitely! I think, even with how not-good today has been, it's strong enough that I know it'll come.” The sentence made no sense, and he opened his mouth to question it before considering the words again. Alluka rubbed her nose, and without thinking about it Killua yanked a tissue from the box for her. It was the last one, he realized with a bit of annoyance. They would be limited to toilet paper for Alluka's runny nose until morning.

“Okay, I'll bite. What's strong enough? Not the postal service, obviously.”

“Oh! Your feelings. Yours and Gon's. Because you love each other so much, I know it'll be okay. It'll be okay, somehow. I'm sure of it! Since there's nothing in the whole world that's stronger.”

“That's not fair,” Killua groaned, turning his face into the mattress to hide his burning cheeks. It muffled his words, hopefully not enough to be unintelligible. “S'lame. Besides, you think I love Gon more than I love you?”

“No. Maybe!” Killua forced himself back to a sitting position, giving her a genuinely distressed look. “I don't really think that, no.”

“Jeez, don't scare me.” Killua scratched the back of his head, pressing his lips together in a thin line. Was she teasing him? Somehow, he couldn't tell. “You know onii-chan loves you more than anything in the whole world.”

“I don't think that's true. I think you love Gon just as much! But it's a different kind of love. Because onii-chan is my onii-chan, and Gon is your best friend in the world.”

“You know, both of you say such embarrassing stuff all the time. No wonder I love you so much, you're two peas in a pod about that shit.” The sound of his phone buzzing startled Killua immensely, and he felt his cheeks redden at his own reaction. He plucked it off the bedside table before it could vibrate its way onto the floor. The number and contact name seemed to blast all of his negative feelings aside, at least for the moment. Alluka leaned forward, resting her chin in her hands and smiling at him as if she knew.

Maybe it _was_ stronger than anything else in the world.

“Hey,” Killua said into the receiver, with a coolness that only he and Alluka knew was completely fake. Gon's breathless laugh made him question that assumption, though. He didn't get a chance to say more before Gon was launching into a rambling train of thought.

“Killua, happy birthday! I really wanted to call you earlier but I couldn't, I'm sorry! Everything was just so crazy today, I feel awful. Is it still raining there? I got soaked, Mito-san was worried I'd catch a cold. Is Alluka feeling better? Oh, oh! Did you get my-”

“Damn, let me answer a question before you ask six more!” Gon sounded almost winded, which was absurd given that it was so late at night. They were practically in the same timezone, so it wasn't like it was midday for Gon. There was a low noise under Gon's voice, something that was probably the faint sound of falling rain. “Shouldn't you be sleeping? Whatever happened to you clocking out at like 9PM like a toddler?”

“I don't do that!” The indignant tone made him laugh, and Killua could perfectly picture Gon's expression in that moment. Puffing his cheeks out childishly, with his eyebrows drawn tightly together. Killua crossed his legs at the knee, leaning back on one arm as Gon spoke. Somehow, he felt more relaxed. “Plus, I thought, 'I definitely couldn't go to sleep without talking to Killua', since it's still your birthday and I didn't get to say happy birthday for real! I mean, not in a text. I don't think that's good enough.”

“You're so lame. I don't know if it's still raining, me and Alluka are inside where it's warm and dry like sane people.” Killua didn't mention the fact that he had gone out into that hell earlier. Even thinking about it filled him with embarrassment and shame. That had been the start to a genuine tantrum, no matter how justified it had felt. “She's doing way better, hasn't sneezed in like three hours. I call it a victory. And... no, I. Didn't get your present yet.”

“Oh...” The emotion in Gon's voice didn't seem clear at all – he had no idea what the other boy was feeling. Disappointment? It had to be. But something about it made him think that Gon had expected the response. “Killua, I'm sorry. I teased you so much about it, and it isn't even there on time the way I wanted.”

“Don't say that,” Killua said, awkwardness filling his voice. He glanced quickly at the clock on the microwave, as if to confirm that the day hadn't actually ended yet. “It's still July 7th, you know? There's still some time. And, besides. I'm a big kid, I can handle something coming late. It's not like you can control the weather. If you could do that, I'd kick your ass for letting it be so shitty outside.”

“That would be really cool though! I would still make it rain, but not like this. Because plants need lots of water to grow, but it's hard to go outside and do stuff when it's storming all the time.” Of course Gon would be legitimately enthusiastic about the idea. Grinning to himself, Killua snorted into the phone. “And if I could do that, I think there would never be any delays. I'd make sure the sky was really clear for all the flights and deliveries. Oh, but maybe that would be hard...”

“You'd have to know there were flights happening to do that, stupid. And where they were.”

“Yeah,” Gon admitted, and he could easily imagine the other boy scratching his cheek. “But if I could control the weather, maybe I could fly around on a cloud and go anywhere whenever I wanted. I could see you whenever I wanted! If Mito-san said I could.”

“Cute,” Killua deadpanned, knowing his genuine pleasure at the thought was showing clearly on his face. Gon couldn't see it, so it didn't matter. “You're too heavy for that. Wind, maybe, but you'd fall right through a cloud.”

“Well, that's way less fun to think about. You can't see wind! Not really. You can see it moving stuff, but that's not really the same thing. Killua, do you...” The way Gon's voice trailed off made him frown. The hesitance was strange, baffling even. Something had happened on the other side of the receiver to draw his attention. “I have to go. I'm sorry.”

“Oh,” he said, trying and failing to keep the disappointment out of his voice. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Alluka drawing her knees up to her chest. “No, it's... It's fine, don't worry about it.”

“Mm... I wish I didn't have to hang up, though! But, I'll definitely... I'll talk to you again as soon as I can, okay? Killua.”

“Yeah, soon.” It would have been nice to have Gon's voice in his ear for a little bit longer, Killua thought. But that was all he was getting, and he would have to deal with it. Maybe Gon would call him tomorrow. That would be nice.

“Okay, bye!”

“Bye.”

Killua pulled the phone away from his ear, staring at the screen until it went dark again. A seven minute call with Gon, instead of the hours he was used to. He let himself fall back onto the mattress, even though it made him bounce a little. Alluka reached out with one foot, nudging his cheek with her toe. It was impossible to keep the false scowl on his face from breaking, and he grabbed the offending digit with one hand before turning her foot over to tickle relentlessly. The squealing laughter he got in response was a gift, and Killua grinned maliciously as they fought over possession of the poor, victimized foot.

“Onii-chan, noooo!”

“No way, if you stick a gross little foot in my face you have to deal with the consequences!” Her cheeks flushed as she tried in vain to tug her foot back. Killua couldn't hold back his barking laugh, and he wiggled his fingers against the arch of Alluka's foot again to make her shriek and howl. “Say you're sorry for sticking your toe in my cheek, and maybe I'll stop!”

“I won't! You were gonna be sad again, I did what I had to do!”

“What, how did I get the best little sister in the entire world?” His cheeks hurt from smiling as he relinquished the hold he had on Alluka's foot in favor of scooping her up. It drew a delighted little squeak, and she threw her arms around his shoulders to hold on. She squirmed in his grip and yelped again when he smashed his lips against her cheek with a wet smack, and it made Killua want to tickle her mercilessly again. He barely held back, opting instead to drown her in exaggerated cheek kisses. “You embarrassed me earlier, so now it's onii-chan's turn.”

“Onii-chan no, it tickles!” She slapped his chest with an open palm, more for show than anything else. Killua knew she loved the attention, as much as she pretended not to. The beaming grin on her face even as she struggled to escape his grasp made it painfully obvious, but he would never call her on it. After all, her terrible acting was one of his favorite things in the world.

“Too bad,” Killua laughed, before squeezing her tightly. Seemingly without thinking about it, Alluka squeezed back and rested her chin on his shoulder with a little sigh. With Alluka, that kind of thing didn't feel embarrassing. He could smother her in affection all he wanted, and never get flustered. That was how family was supposed to be, maybe. “Okay, okay.”

“I wonder if we could have gotten cake,” Alluka mumbled, pressing her cheek against his neck. Killua pursed his lips. It was certainly too late for that now. There was nothing to be done about it.

“Tomorrow, I guess.” It was a weak reply, at least a little. But it was the truth. Somehow, Killua felt like he could handle that, finally. The dark cloud in his mind had passed, perhaps with his tears, and left him much calmer. He would have liked cake, but it would have to wait and that was all there was to it.

The knock on the door made him practically leap out of his skin, and it startled Alluka just as badly. Her little gasp sounded directly in his ear, and for a moment Killua was only baffled. Then it clicked into place – a knock meant room service, which meant...

When he pulled back from Alluka, her eyes had lit up and she was beaming. Both of her hands pressed against her cheeks, as if to hold her face and keep it from splitting under that smile. Killua felt his heart start to thump erratically. “Onii-chan, open it, go see!”

She didn't need to say it twice. Killua jumped to his feet with almost embarrassing speed, before making himself wipe the excitement from his face. He couldn't show a stranger that he was ecstatic to get a present. Still, he felt jittery as he squinted through the peephole in the door.

For a long moment Killua said nothing, and then he stomped back to the main room without opening the door. Alluka's expression faltered, at least until he snatched a pillow off the bed and turned sharply to return. His eyes were burning again, tears threatening to spill over.

The moment the door opened, he swung the pillow directly into Gon's face to knock the grin off it.

The indignant squawk he got in response only made it harder to keep from bursting back into tears – laughter, happiness, irritation, all swirling together into a mess of emotion. Instead, he hit Gon again, harder this time, and then threw the pillow to the ground.

“Idiot! You unbelievable idiot, you're so stupid!” Gon's laughter was one of the sweetest sounds he had ever heard. Especially when his voice cracked and his cheeks, already flushed from excitement, reddened further. He had a wet plastic bag in his hands, and his hair was flattened down from the rain. Completely soaked, Killua realized, from head to toe. And he was breathless, like he had run the whole way there. Everything made ridiculous sense. “You're _so_! You're gonna get sick, you look like half the ocean got dumped on you.”

“Sorry it's late,” Gon said, not resisting him at all when he yanked the other boy's arm to drag him inside. Killua shoved him towards the bathroom, turning to pick the pillow back up in case he needed to use it again. He tossed it down on the bed before facing Gon again. He was grinning again, his eyes bright, and Killua couldn't help the smile on his own face. “Killua, happy birthday!”

“You already said that! Get in the bathroom, you're tracking water everywhere. God, take your shoes off too. You're such an idiot!” He didn't get a chance to say more before Gon's arms were around him, squeezing tight. Even though the other boy was soaked Killua squeezed him back as tightly as he could, and told the most obvious lie of his life. “You're the worst present ever, you know that? The worst! You got my pillow wet, and now my clothes are wet, you're so stupid.”

“I brought cake,” Gon replied, not fazed by the words in the slightest. Killua felt his eyes widen, and he made a show of reconsidering even as Alluka let out a peal of laughter behind him. Somehow, Gon looked almost as overjoyed as he felt. Standing there, hugging each other with all their might with their clothing soaking through, Killua thought that his heart might burst from happiness. _And_ Gon had brought cake.

“I take it back. You're the best present ever.”

**Author's Note:**

> [ Here's the fantastic art by starsnpancakes!](http://starsnpancakes.tumblr.com/post/145588250355/killua-sat-up-abruptly-trying-to-keep-the) I'm psyched to have been paired up with such a great artist, so please check it out!


End file.
